Indiana Jones and the Really, Really Mixed Reviews

Reviews? Indiana Jones doesn’t need reviews. 

So Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opened at Cannes on Sunday and the reception was…well, it depends on who you ask.

Variety’s Todd McCarthy thought it was good, not great, but sure to be a crowd-pleaser, saying:

“One of the most eagerly and long-awaited series follow-ups in screen history delivers the goods — not those of the still first-rate original, 1981’s “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” but those of its uneven two successors.”

He basically says it has a slam bang opening that shows Spielberg’s enthusiasm for the series, then a lull of a middle that trudges along a bit with exposition, another successful action sequence that is video game/theme park ready, and then a kind of so-so ending (btw, it comes in at 122 minutes with credits, which is just as it should be; on the other hand, the Sex and the City movie is 145 minutes, a length which boggles the mind. How a light romantic comedy based on a TV show that turned in 50 minute episodes on a regular basis could blather on that long is beyond comprehension. I’ll have to pass on that one). McCarthy liked Harrison Ford, says he’s still got the Indy vibe, thought Cate Blanchett’s Soviet officer was a worthy villain, and was okay with Shia LaBeouf. All the rumors you heard seem to be true (aliens, who is who’s son, etc.). In other words, there’s good, mediocre, and bad in the film, but enough good to keep viewers happy.

Over at The Hollywood Reporter, though, Kirk Honeycutt had quite a different reaction. As in haaated it. Honeycutt called it, “A wearying onslaught of action and effects gives Indy little chance to charm as he did in days of old.”

(Indy not charm? Surely that’s not possible!)

Honeycutt says that the action tumbles over itself and there’s no time to develop any feeling for the characters or situation, even the welcome return of Marion Ravenwood (everyone seems to like Karen Allen and she looks great…what on earth happened to her career?). Honeycutt says that no one seems to know what to do with the Crystal Skull itself, but “…it has its uses: At different times, it opens doors, triggers cave machinery, wards off giant red ants and scares hostile natives. For all anyone knows, it might pay the bill at a fancy restaurant.” (Crystal Skull credit cards coming soon!)

On THR’s Risky Business blog, Steven Zeitchik calls out the film’s dialogue:

“When people try to say funny things they fail (Jones, upon learning Mutt is his son: ‘You need to stay in school.’) The only time anyone is funny is when they’re trying to be profound, and that’s not a good thing. On the aliens: Q: ‘Where’d they go, into space?’ A: ‘Not into space — into the space between spaces.’ Anyone who wonders about the quality of the script need only hear these lines. ‘Their treasure wasn’t gold; it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure.’”

(Well…maybe it sounds better in context? With Harrison Ford saying them? Maybe…?)

It’s hard to say who’s right, McCarthy of Variety or Honeycutt and his cohorts at THR. It won’t matter in terms of box office. Curiousity after the series’ long absence guarantees a big opening.

As for me, well, of course I’m interested no matter what. I’ll see it, and no matter how good or bad it is, I’ll provide some kind of justification to find as much good as possible. Then after time passes, I’ll slowly admit its flaws. For the meantime though, let me have my fun, let cynicism and pessimism go on holiday for a while.

Some red carpet premiere photos:

Indiana Jones disguised as Calista Flockhart’s date.

Cate Blanchett, in an upset, looking like a glamorous movie star. (That was sarcasm. Ms. Blanchett seems incapable of not looking like a glamorous movie star.)

Karen Allen, still looking awesome, and some kid who wandered into the picture.

Spielberg, Lucas, Ford, Allen, Blanchett, and various and sundry dates/significant others.