Hilary Swank Gets French Women Don’t Get Fat

Hilary Swank, making like a French woman and not being fat.

Variety reports that Hilary Swank and her producing partner Molly Smith have acquired the rights to the nonfiction book French Women Don’t Get Fat for Swank’s production company, 2S Films.

The multimillion bestseller, by Mireille Guiliano, the former head of Champagne Veuve Clicquot, was an advice book that explained how French women managed to stay slim despite drinking wine, eating cheese, and indulging in pastries and cream and butter. I didn’t read the book, but if I remember correctly from the reviews, I believe her advice boiled down to something like don’t eat crap junk food and don’t eat a lot of whatever you’re eating. And be French.

Heather Hach, who wrote the 2003 version of Freaky Friday and adapted Legally Blonde for the stage. Apparently she will attempt to turn the diet book into what Variety describes as “a romantic comedy about a champagne company manager who learns some tough life lessons.” Ladies and gentlemen, we have an early candidate for “movie of the decade that I would rather shove burning needles into my eyes than watch.”

Swank, who is about the last person you would imagine needing a diet book, would presumably play the life lesson learning champagne company manager. No word on if she’ll be a French or American champagne company manager. I admire Swank for her accomplishments, but let me give her some advice–you are so un-French, honey. Please, don’t try to stretch as an actress–play an American who’s working in France. That’ll work out a lot better for you. I still won’t see this movie, but I think it’s the wise decision.

Swank has been filming Amelia, the Amelia Earhart biopic directed by Mira Nair. No word on timing for filming the French Woman project.