Clooney Fixes Sight On Goats

Can this man’s stare kill a goat? 

Variety reports that George Clooney has signed on for Men Who Stare At Goats. Grant Heslov will direct and Peter Straughan is adapting Jon Ronson’s book of the same name.

The story deals with the U.S. Army’s First Earth Battalion, a unit that attempted to use paranormal abilities. The title refers to the idea that you can kill a goat by staring at it (is this farm lore? I never heard this one. Can you be killed if a goat stares at you?).

The Journal of Non-Lethal Combatives reprints the paper outlining ideas for the battalion by Jim Channon, an American soldier who had been in Vietnam. The paper is as weird and trippy as you would expect from something written in 1979. Ideas included in the paper for the new battalion’s fighting methods include:

BATTLE TUNING

Using traditional and New Age ideas:

• Rise
• Yogic cat stretch
• Primal scream and leap
• Belgian waffle
• Ginseng tab regulator
• Speed [ amphetamines] or morning thunder tea [EN6]
• Karate kata
• Primal low frequency lights
• Paced primal rock [music] in our ears
• Discordant sounds for them [the enemy]
• Advance

And when in doubt, go for an acrostic poem:

NEW AGE SYNTHESIS FOR A SAMURAI

Seek your own personal path to God

Actively improve your physical condition.

Master mental self control for combat.

Understand others.

Reinforce team interdependence.

Actively serve people and planet.

Indulge in happiness and humor. 

So wait, you’re telling me that this idea didn’t fly with the military and never really worked out? I’m shocked.

Straughan’s screenplay was on the Brit list of best unproduced screenplays. Ronson’s book was originally part of a UK TV series called Crazy Rulers of the World. Indeed.

You’ll note that Clooney, who wrote, directed, and starred in the comedy Leatherheads, which flunked at the box office, is only acting in this one. Smart move, George. They can’t blame you if this one fails.