Jessica Simpson Knows What She Wants In A Man

Yes, Jessica Simpson wants us all to know that she knows just what she’s looking for when it comes to men. Here’s an exclusive look at a list of things that Jess is looking for in the opposite sex.

The run down:

1. A pulse - You see, this is very important, because dead guys can’t ditch you at iHop.
2. Brains — Yes, that was a joke
3. ESP - For those nights when you should know what she wants before she wants it
4. Reading ability - This an important trait, because she doesn’t know how
5. Transportation - That Ford Pinto comes in handy, doesn’t it?
6. Love for boobs - She’s got ‘em and she’ll show ‘em to ya
7. Knowledge of tuna products

Actually, she just wants an artsy-fartsy guy with a spiritual side. She’s getting deep on us folks, maybe next she’ll tell us that she actually communicated with John Mayer and made sense. I wouldn’t buy it.