Blake Fielder-Civil has admitted to being the one responsible for hooking Amy Winehouse into taking crack and heroin. Now, he says that he has to let her go to save her life.
He said, “I made the biggest mistake of my life by taking heroin in front of her. I introduced her to heroin, crack cocaine, and self-harming. I feel more than guilty. I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful. Now I have to let her go to save her life. I am not abandoning her. I am doing this out of love.”
He went on to say that he realized the extent of what was happening to Amy when she suffered from her first seizure, when she almost died. He said, “I was there when Amy suffered her first seizure. I still break down thinking about it. We had been taking drugs all day long – heroin and crack. We started early and finished late. We didn’t really stop…and while I was getting out of my head, I wasn’t thinking that I was taking somebody with me. Then my wife…just started shaking violently in front of me. I started crying and I lay her down in the recovery position…It was heartbreaking, seeing someone you love more than yourself, someone you would die for…on the floor shaking.”
He added that he wouldn’t be going home to Amy when he gets out of rehab on December 30th and that leaving her is the best thing for her. He said, “Now the most dignified thing I can ever do in my life is to release somebody I love from my f**king grasp, from my clutches. When I see pictures of Amy and the state she’s in it tears my heart out. I just want to pick her up and help her. But I can’t – because I’m the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can’t fix Amy. But for her recovery I have to leave her alone. I will never stop wanting Amy an loving her and craving her. More than anything I am addicted to Amy. I will do anything for her – and that includes walking away. If something bad happened to Amy now I would kill myself without a question.”
With being in rehab, Blake is finally realizing what he did to Amy and how toxic they are together. I imagine if they both got clean, they may get back together. It’s really big of him to get clean and walk away from her for her own good.
